Hot Girls

I've come to the conclusion that hot girls shouldn't have to ride the
bus. In fact they don't. If she is then she's definately doing
something wrong and not working her potential.

It's rather sad how society works, but are we surprised it's anyway.
Hot girls rarely have to put in the effort for anything and it usually
shows in their personality. Anyway, that is all.

Summer Heights High

This is easily one of the best shows on TV and NOBODY is talking about it. More on it later, but watch it assholes, or else just kill yourself.

If Only We All Could Be Like Him

Him=Him.

I'm not making fun of him at all, but rather I want to state a generality. Have you all noticed that children who are faced with their own mortality tend to be much more at peace, well spoken, intelligent and overall decent people compared to their peers? Don't you ever wish that dumb ass wangstas with their crooked, sticker laden hats, and see through skin would be the ones with the terminal disease, while these intelligent youngsters are the ones who are spared?

This can happen ladies and gentlemen. How you ask? Allow me to tell you.

First go to a bar or club, or meet someone at work and get drunk with them. Then have sex. If you're a guy, pretend to put a condom on. If you're a girl, poke holes in the condom, or beg him to "raw dog it". He'll do it. I guarantee it.

Next, wait 9 months for a baby to be air mailed to you.

Last, and most importantly, raise your child as if he or she has a terminal disease. Every few months, remind them that the doctor told them that they only have a few months to live. Convince them that a close friend is a doctor and take them to "appointments" every few months to remind them that they could die tomorrow. With death that close to them, they'll appreciate their lives more and will be less like this and more like this.

It's a good idea because it will teach humility and humbleness. They'll grow up to be appreciative and respectful. Until they find out that it was all a lie, and then they'll backlash like a Christian girl who attended her first co-ed school and discovered what a "penis" is.

Quick Thought

While talking to a co-worker today, I had a thought about old movies. Does it ever seem that old movies seem so much better than movies of today because they were forced to be subtle? They couldn't swear, show nudity, or have makeout sessions. They were forced to keep characters apart and forced to not directly talk about certain things, and had to dance and skirt the issue, therefore indirectly making people think more while they were watching and say, "Damn, that was clever!"

Today, movie makers can show damn near everything, and do, which is why so many movies have become cliched, stereotypical and lame. I'm not saying that there wern't snuff movies or early porn movies back in the 40s and 50s because there were. The mainstream movies seemed generally better and "classic" because of the subtlety that was forced on them, I think.

Holy Shit!

I was watching Casino Royale yesterday and I forgot how amazingly hot Eva Green is. Damn! Just sayin.

My Review of Half of "Role Models"

Not that this movie is a "Roots" or "Lord of the Rings" type epic that was so chock full of action that I need to spread this (hehe) over two reviews. The reasons for my partitioned review are something much more cryptic and mysterious: while watching this movie at the Sherman Oaks Galleria on Sunday, the power mysteriously shut down and we were warned to exit the building immediately. My first though, "Zombie attack...yes!". I initially started screaming, "ZOMBIES!" and pushing people down while trying to escape. This only seemed to cause more of a panic, so then I just gave in to my fate. I started moaning and groaning and biting people to really win some brownie points with out new zombie overlords, but once I was restrained, we were informed that it was not in fact a zombie attack (to which I received several swift kicks to my undead ball sack), but a fire! I immediately started screaming, "ZOMBIE FIRE" and we all ran out of the building.

Suffice to say, I was only halfway through the movie Role Models when this zombie fire attacked, but I really must give props to this movie. The first half was freaking great. Paul Rudd is perfect as the depressed, asshole-ish, but annoyingly named, Danny Donahue. Paul Rudd has perfected the smart ass persona and it shines in this movie (probably due to him being a co-writer as well). Sean William Scott; always funny, plays the (surprise, surprise) perverted ladies man, but also terribly named, Wheeler. Elizabeth Banks, the star of EVERY MOVIE THAT HAS EVER GODDAMN COME OUT IN THE PAST 10 YEARS, plays Danny's girlfriend and is flawless as usual. Literally: flawless. I dare you to find a flaw. See, you can't even come up with anything. Christopher Mintze-Plasse stars as every friend I've ever had. As a role-playing supernerd named (perfectly) Augie Farks, CMP (as I'll call him) dusts off any coolness he had as McLovin' and goes into full nerd territory, and pulls it off well. He has a likeability about him and it shows with the first half of the character that I saw. His nasally voice really drives me insane though. Take a decongestant man. Seriously.

The first half of the movie belongs to young Bobb'e J. Thompson. No I didn't just sneeze and mash the keyboard while typing his name. This kid is a riot, and steals a lot of the scenes in which he's involved in. He still needs some polish but his delivery and timing is really something great and the added bonus that he looks like Martin Lawrence mixed with Dave Chapelle, and acts like them too really adds to the humor.

The movie really doesn't deter from the cliches that you would expect from one of these movies, and I'm sure they all learn to like each other and learn valuable lessons, but the path to get to that ending has been great thus far.

GRADE (for half of the movie): B+

With Wonder and A Wild Desire...

...I want to go home and play videogames!

This happens to me once a year. Exactly around fall time, all the big videogames come plummeting through the sky, as if a gift from a heavenly entity, and amuse me for hours/days/weeks until something else comes around and I forget about them.

So far I've been able to get a hold of a handful, with a couple more coming:

PART 1

1) Dead Space: A legitimately freaky space romp that is part Event Horizon, part Sunshine, part "Aliens" and wholly awesome. I don't get freaked out when I play videogames very often, but damn if this game doesn't have me as jumpy and panicked as I have ever been. Stories of this game getting super freaky are overblown I feel, but then again, I have yet to play through the game completely, so I really shouldn't comment. Parts that really do get me going is when you're in a room and then all of a sudden the lights shut off. Commence crapping of pants...NOW.

The gameplay features that involve severing limbs and heads off of the mutated space creatures is pretty damn sweet, and the fluidity of the controls really allow freedom of damage. Controls are a little too stiff at times, making it pretty easy to get surrounded and attacked before you really know what to do, but admittedly, this is a minor issue.

The graphics are shockingly good with some amazing lighting effects from nearby stars. Flickering lights add some beautiful atmospheric tension with sound effects placing the proverbial cherry on top of this engrossing cupcake. The HUB menu system is great also, as it clears all the clutter from the screen and gives the game a more cinematic touch that really assists sucking you into this game. The voice acting is wonderful as well.

The negatives are not many, but they exist. Some pixilation and jaggies are clearly visible in some of the lighting effects and at times it seams all too easy to get walloped by 4 enemies who can jump further than you can actually run. The game, even early on, comes across as slightly repetitive, but there are nice changes in the scenery to keep things fresh.

All in all this is the sleeper game of the year as I do not think anybody expected this title to come around and be so damn good. Great job EA.

GRADE: B+

2) Fable 2: Simple yet addictive, this game is right up my alley (not in a sexual type of way). I'll get into talking about Elder Scrolls IV a bit later, but that game was just too huge for me. It really just kind of dropped me into that scenario and said go to town, which is awesome, but I was taken aback by the scope of that game. Fable 2's story is lame and a dime a dozen, but the gameplay itself is really addictive. Exploration is a blast, interaction with townies is fun, and the simple jobs are fun enough that you can give a little kid to play for an hour or so for you.

The combat seems insanely simple, and it is. Each face button coincides with an attack form, so it allows you to hack with a sword, pull out a gun and shoot someone and then blast them with a spell to finish off a combo. it is at your discretion, but it is fun to pull this stuff off.

There are TONS of places to explore, even early in the game. The demon walls are back with interesting requests and the ability to automatically jump to specific locations is really helpful when you don't feel like wandering around for hours. The good thing is that you are never at a loss at what to do. You always have a specific mission to do and a "breadcrumb" trail allows you to follow a patch directly to your next mission, or wander off the path

The graphics are a bit disappointing as Lionhead Studios opted to go a more cartoonish route, but it works in the world of Albion as the game is huge and having realistic graphics would have been at the sacrifice of all the other things that you'd be able to do (marrying, buying houses, jobs, missions).

I spend much of my time just wandering around and trying to see what I can do and what I can discover (much like I do in GTA games, and I avoid the actual story for the most part). The exploration part of this game is the best and is more satisfying than Fallout 3 (which we will get to later), but not as intense as that game either.

Peter Molyneux has created a funny, vivid world in which you can interact with just about everything. This is Zelda except not as linear, but consequentially, not as endearing. Great effort though. If you are an action RPG fan, this is a solid purchase that you will not regret. Not as customizable as Fallout 3 or Elder Scrolls IV, but much more pick up and play friendly.

GRADE: A-